Forgiven: Ryder and Sawyer 3 (Fallen Idols Motorcycle Club Book 9) Read online

  The ride up in the elevator was extremely tense, and deafeningly quiet, which gave me way too much time to get lost in my own head. I was sick of thinking, but no matter how hard I tried to flip the switch off, I couldn’t.

  I drew a deep breath as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. This was it. Whatever happened now, whatever condition Cruz was in, would change how everything else in my life moved forward. I shook my hands, trying to calm the nerves, and to give myself the strength to just put one foot in front of the other.

  Trista exited, made a left, and then a quick right, with me right on her heels. She nodded her head toward a door. I inhaled sharply, pulling the door open. She held it open for me, and followed in behind me.

  Nothing could have prepared me for what I walked into. I knew Cruz was in bad shape, and I knew that he had been out cold since the incident, but actually seeing my baby brother hooked up to a million wires gutted my insides.

  The conflicting emotions that had been battling in my mind converged into complete and total distress. Tears poured out of me in buckets. My throat and lungs tightened, and I couldn’t breathe. I choked on the sobs pushing their way up my throat, and just as my legs gave out, strong arms caught me.

  I had no idea where Axel had come from, but I was grateful he was there. I cried into his chest until I couldn’t possibly shed another tear. I pulled away, sniffling, and pointed to the mess I left on his shirt.

  “Sorry for that,” I joked, trying to lighten up the moment.

  “It’s just a shirt. You okay now?”

  I forced a smile. “Depends on your definition of okay. If it’s at least being able to stand on my own, then yeah, I’m okay.”

  Trista, who left the room as soon as I broke down, reentered. “Axel, I got it from here. Shift’s up.”

  There she went talking about shifts again. Axel glanced at his phone. “Shit, Paige is waiting for me,” he muttered as he grabbed his cut. He turned back to me. “This might not mean much, but I have faith he’ll be okay.”

  “It means more than you’ll ever know.” I gave him a genuine smile. “Don’t keep your girl waiting any longer.”

  He gave me a wink as took off. Trista moved past me, and sat in the chair next to the bed, kicking her feet up on the side table.

  “Where’s my Mom?” I asked.

  “She had a doctor’s appointment. She should be back soon.”

  “You don’t have to stay.” I was surprised she was there.

  Trista put her feet back on the ground and shook her head. She ran her tense fingers through her hair, and looked at me like I was an idiot. “You don’t get it. Do you?”

  “Get what?”

  “It doesn’t matter whether I want to stay or not because I’m staying. Cruz is our family, and we protect our family.”

  It was a sweet sentiment, but anger still boiled to the surface. “You’re the reason he was shot!”

  Trista flew up from her seat, and got right in my face. “Cruz did this to himself. He’s the one fucking around with Las Almas. Playing both sides. Doing God knows what for them.”

  I swallowed the biting response, and didn’t say anything, because I knew she was right. My little brother was in far too deep, and neither me, nor Ryder, were able to pull him out. I was angry, and I was taking it out on the wrong person. Trista didn’t need to be here, but she was, and I was being a total bitch to her.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled, but my apology fell on deaf ears.

  Trista narrowed her eyes. “One of these days, you’ll stop blaming the club for all your fucking problems, and realize that all we’ve ever done is try to help you and your family. You’re just too fucking stubborn or stupid to realize it.”

  I snorted at her words, so sick of the club, and everything it stood for. “Maybe we don’t want your help.”

  “You are stupid,” she exclaimed. “Fine. I’ll call the club off watch, but if anything fucking happens, it’s all on you.”

  “What else is new?” I spat. “You’ve been blaming shit on me since I came back. You still think I’m the rat?”

  She rolled her eyes. “The rat’s taken care of, but that doesn’t mean I trust you, because I don’t.”

  A laugh rumbled up my throat, and the look on Trista’s face only darkened. After everything that had happened, we were still at each other’s throats. It was ridiculous and sad. The memory of our friendship that was once so strong was fading farther and farther away. There was no hope for us, and as the realization settled in, the laughing stopped.

  “Will we ever be friends again?” I asked.

  The slightest flicker of sorrow flashed in her dark eyes, but she blinked it away, turning them back to stone. Her lip curled as she stepped back toward me. “No.”

  I tried not to let the disappointment show, and stood tall as she walked toward the door.

  She rested her hand on the doorframe and stopped. “And do me a favor. Stay the fuck away from my cousin. He deserves better than some lying slut.”

  FOUR

  RYDER

  I sat on the couch in the back room of Raven’s Nest, finally feeling pretty fucking good. The fifth of Jack I had just downed was finally working its magic and making me numb. One of the groupies, CeCe, I think, was using my neck as a lollipop while her hand stroked my cock.

  The vision of Cruz’s blood dripping down my fingers finally started to clear. My eyes slipped shut, and I leaned my head back, trying to forget the past couple of days. The door slammed open, but I didn’t bother to see who it was. They’d get the hint and leave the minute they saw what was going on in here.

  “Oh, my God. Sorry to interrupt.” Sawyer’s voice was like a shot of adrenaline. My eyes popped open just as she backed toward the door.

  Her blonde hair was a disheveled mess, probably from running her fingers through it. There were faint black lines streaking her cheeks, and her eyes were bloodshot and swollen. The desire to make her feel even more pain overtook me.

  I stood up, my cock sticking straight out of my jeans. I grabbed CeCe, and held her back against my chest. I stared at Sawyer with all the hatred I felt toward her, oozing out of my pores. Even with my cock pressed against CeCe’s ass, Sawyer didn’t break our intense gaze. I smirked. “If I’m lucky, she’ll keep it.”

  “You son of a bitch.” Sawyer picked up the bottle of Jack, and threw it against the wall above my head. I bent down, and covered myself with my hands. Glass and liquid rained down on us.

  The bar slut let out a blood-curdling scream. “You crazy bitch.”

  “Oh, shut up, you whore, and get the fuck out.”

  She puffed her chest out, like that would deter Sawyer. “We’re busy.”

  Sawyer squared hers shoulders, and stepped up to CeCe. “Does it look like I care?”

  She looked absolutely fucking crazy, but she was still the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I mentally punched myself. Beauty meant shit when it belonged to a heartless, child-stealing bitch.

  CeCe opened her mouth to talk, when Sawyer grabbed her by her ponytail, and tossed her ass out into the hall, slamming the door in her face. She clicked the lock, which I should have done earlier, and then stalked over to me. I stuffed my shit back in my pants, and pulled my zipper up.

  “I came here to apologize. To beg you to forgive me.” Tears pricked her eyes, but she was strong in her resolve. “Now, I realize how much of a mistake that was. You’re a lying bastard!”

  “Me?” I punched my chest as anger coursed through my veins.

  “You promised me.” There was a crack in her resolve, and tears poured down her cheeks. “You told me you’d take care of him. Told me to trust you. And look at him now. He’s lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to a million fucking machines.” She came at me, hands wailing away against my chest. “Because of you!”

  I grabbed her wrists, and held her back. She fought me, tossing and turning her arms, but I refused to let go. I tightened my grip, and pulled her close until she was looking stra
ight into my eyes. “Don’t you dare put the blame on me. I did what I could.”

  “I trusted you,” she cried out, as she fought my hold. I finally threw her arms away from me. “I trusted you,” she repeated.

  “I guess I’m just living up to your expectations,” I growled.

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “I’m incapable of protecting the ones I love. Isn’t that why you left? Why you took my fucking son away from me?”

  Her lips parted, and I waited for more bullshit to come out of her mouth. “I hoped you’d prove me wrong, but that’s okay, because I’m getting used to you disappointing me. Go back to your sluts and your liquor.”

  “At least they don’t expect fucking miracles from me.”

  She shook her head. “I never expected any miracles. Just a little compassion.”

  “You want compassion? Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. How’s that for compassion?”

  Her lip curled, and fire raged in her eyes. She took long strides toward me until I could see the tears building on her lids. “Not for me. You couldn’t protect Cruz, but you can be there for him now, and what are you doing? Drinking yourself into an early grave. Have you even been by the hospital?”

  I clenched my teeth, and my jaw ticked.

  “That’s what I thought,” she spat, and stormed out of the room.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?!” Trista yelled out in the hallway.

  “Oh, fuck off!” Sawyer screamed.

  Two seconds later, Trista stomped into the room. “I’m either going to put a muzzle on that bitch or shoot her.”

  Ignoring her, I walked over to grab the Jack when I realized it was splattered across the wall. Fuck me. Luckily, I had another bottle stashed beneath the couch cushions. I twisted the cap off, tossed it across the room, and took a few gulps, relishing in the burn.

  Trista ripped the bottle from my hand, and spilled more Jack on the carpet. Such a damn waste. She slammed the bottle down on the table, and shoved me hard in the chest.

  “What the fuck was that for?” I demanded.

  “Axel wanted to give you another day, but I am sick and fucking tired of your shit.”

  “Get in line!” I muttered, and fell back into the couch. “Besides, why the fuck do I need to be sober? We figured out who was stealing our parts, the rat was found and dealt with, we have a truce with El Presidente, Velasquez got his ass fired, so all is right in the world again.”

  “All is not right in the world! Open your fucking eyes. Cruz was shot, and we have no idea why. It’s pretty clear he was working with Las Almas, but for what reason? And, if they weren’t holding something over his head, then we’re dealing with a traitor. Again! The heist almost went fucking south, and if it weren’t for Chen and his men recovering that body and disposing of it, we’d be fucking screwed. Not to mention, your ex-girlfriend is fucking certifiable.”

  “She’s not my problem anymore,” I growled, snatching the bottle back off the table.

  Trista ripped it from my hands once again. “She is your problem. Especially because she called us off Cruz’s protection watch.”

  I reached for the bottle, but she held it out of my reach. Fine. She wanted to play it that way. I stumbled past her, and headed to the bar. Trista grabbed my arm, and twisted me around. “It doesn’t bother you that Cruz is left unprotected?”

  “If that’s what Sawyer wants, then fuck her. She thinks she’s so good at dealing with all her problems on her own, then fucking let her. I’m done.”

  FIVE

  SAWYER

  Mom and I set up camp in Cruz’s room. By early afternoon, Evie came running through the door. The worry and panic on her face was my worst nightmare. It was a reminder that, sometimes, one of your own goes down. As indestructible as all the Idols felt they were, this was proof that they weren’t. This could have easily have been anyone of them, but it wasn’t, and I felt exactly how Evie looked.

  “He hasn’t woken up yet?” she asked, terror lacing her words.

  I stood up from the chair I had spent most of my day in, and wrapped her in my arms. “Not yet. Soon. Have faith.”

  I let her go, and she moved to his side, reaching for his hand. Mom stood from the chair she placed right beside Cruz. She’d been in it every waking moment, refusing to leave his side, so he wasn’t alone when he woke up. She gave Evie a kiss on the cheek. “Sit,” she commanded and pointed to the chair. “I was going to get some coffee. Would you like anything, sweetie?”

  She shook her head. “No, thank you.”

  Mom turned to me, and I held up my hand to let her know I was good. Evie sat in the chair, and brought Cruz’s hand to her lips. She pressed a kiss to his knuckles as tears streamed down her cheeks. “Baby, please wake up,” she sobbed. “I love you so much. We can’t grow old together with you in this hospital bed. I need you to open your eyes. Just once. So I know you’re okay.”

  The tears and sobs became more aggressive as she choked on her words. “This is all my fault.”

  Her words perked my ears up. Her fault? I never even thought to ask her.

  “Evie,” I said, sitting up in my chair, and leaning toward her.“What is your fault?”

  She sniffed, and stared up to the ceiling. Big fat tears cascaded down her cheeks. “The reason he’s dealing. The reason he’s working with Las Almas.” She buried her head into Cruz’s hand.

  I stood and moved closer to her, resting my hand on her shoulder. She blinked her blue eyes up at me. “You need to tell me what you know because, when he pulls through this, it’s not over. He’s playing with fire, and this,” I pointed to Cruz, motionless and lost to a dream world. “Will be permanent. There will be no pulling out of it next time.”

  She squeezed his hand, and bit her lip as it quivered. Her fingers traced his hair, pushing it off his forehead. “I’m sorry, baby. But, I told you to tell them and you didn’t. I know you wanted to handle it on your own, but I can’t let you. Not anymore.” She took a deep breath, and then turned her attention back to me. “Las Almas told him if he didn’t deal for them at the high school…” Her nose twitched, and it was as if the words she was trying to get out, caused her physical pain.

  “Evie, what did they tell him?”

  “They threatened to hurt me. He wouldn’t go into detail, and I was lucky I got that out of him, but whatever they said scared him. I’ve never seen him so shaken. So upset and angry. He hated it. Hated the very idea, but he wouldn’t risk me being hurt. He didn’t want to disrespect the club or Ryder. He loves Ryder like a brother, and he didn’t want to disappoint him either, so he took matters into his own hands, even though I begged him not to. He told me it was just for a few months. Then, last week, someone he sold to OD’ed.” Her eyes grew sadder, if that was even possible. “It was my best friend’s brother. He survived, but barely. Cruz and I got in a huge fight, and I told him I didn’t care what he did, but he needed to find a way out. That night, the night he was shot, he went to some guy, Chubs, I think, to tell him he was done. He texted me.” She pulled out her cell phone, and handed it to me. “These are the last two messages I got from him that night.”

  I took her phone, and read messages on the screen.

  I tried, baby. I promise. I tried. But he told me I was done when he said I was.

  Please don’t leave me. I tried. I love you.

  My eyes slid shut as I took in this information. I wanted to hurt him and hug him at the same time. It was foolish yet honorable. “It’s not your fault,” I said.

  “How can you say that? I told him to get out. They shot him because he told them he was done. He told them that because of me.”

  “They used you to get what they wanted. You were innocent in this whole thing. Cruz shouldn’t have tried to deal with them on his own. He’s lucky he’s in this bed and not six feet under.”

  It was honorable what he did, but stupid. He could have got himself killed. But, what about Evie? If he didn’t
do what Las Almas asked… I couldn’t even think about it. She was a seventeen year old kid who should be worrying about the SAT’s and prom, not about her boyfriend dealing drugs to keep her from getting attacked, and God knows what else, by a group of scumbags.

  I blew out a breath. This was exactly why I left. Why I needed to get Liam away from the club. No good could come of it. Looking into Evie’s big blue eyes only confirmed that.

  Cruz’s finger twitched, and Evie and I both turned with baited breath.

  “Cruz, baby. Can you hear me?” Evie dropped to her knees, hugging his hand closely to her chest.

  He blinked one eye open and then the next. My hand flew to my mouth. It was the best thing I had ever seen. Relief flooded me. My baby brother was back.

  Cruz’s eyes slid from Evie to me. Guilt and regret streaked his face. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

  I waved his apology away, just happy to see emotion on his face, to hear his voice. “We’re just happy you’re alive. Awake. Okay, I’m going to get a nurse.” I hurried out of the room, and headed toward the nurse’s station.

  Halfway down the hall, I became lightheaded. I blinked my eyes, trying to clear the fog, and felt myself sway. A large hand wrapped around my arm and steadied me. I composed myself, taking a deep breath.

  Bones studied my face. “Are you okay?”

  It was weird seeing him in his doctor’s coat, knowing the tattoos that lied beneath the white. The secret life that he lived outside of these walls. “Yeah, I’m okay. I just got really lightheaded.”

  “Have you eaten anything today?” he asked, genuine concern in his tone.

  I shook my head. “I haven’t been feeling right, so no. Stress and nerves.”

  “Maybe you should have some blood work done. Make sure you don’t have any vitamin deficiencies.”

  “That’s not necessary. Cruz is awake. I was coming out here to get a nurse.”

  Bones sighed in relief. “Thank God. He was starting to worry me. I’ll do you one better than a nurse. I’ll go check on him.”